Staying Calm While Others Are Angry
In situations that leave us feeling overwhelmed, we tend to lash out in anger and frustration towards the nearest person. Most of us are very familiar with these types of scenarios.
In most cases, the reason for our sudden outburst has nothing to do with us. Perhaps, we were at the wrong place at the wrong time. Also, there is the chance that an unintentional mistake makes us targets for some tongue lashing. Regardless of the cause, we have to ask ourselves.
What do you do when anger bubbles up within you like The Incredible Hulk?
How To Control Your Anger And Remain Calm
Identify Your Habits
The first thing to do is to identify your daily habits early, then make a conscious decision to not indulge. So, when you feel overwhelmed and get the urge to lash out or shut down, try to take a breather. By pausing, you can break out of the habit of reacting in anger.
Drop Into Your Body
Secondly, try to drop into the body. While you are taking a breather, try to observe the sensations going through your body. You will be able to notice the buildup of both anger and frustration as you pause to reflect. However, rather than give in to them or ignore them, learn to observe them with a sense of curiosity. In so doing, you will be able to savor the feeling rather than acting on it.
Likewise, it is crucial that you try to be in the moment and relax into the feeling. If possible, try to appreciate or empathize with feeling. With practice, you start to feel more comfortable in moments of anger and frustration. Also, you will begin to feel less of an urge to lash out or react negatively. As a result, you get time and space to calm yourself.
Connect With People
The next step is to try and connect with other people while you are in your space of calmness. While, it is not uncommon to still be angry with the other person and quite possibly not feel like talking to them. The reason you might feel that way is the fact that you blame the other person. However, rather than pass the blame, try to address your closed heart. Opening your heart is a challenging feat, but once you do open up your heart, it is quite transformative.
Taking things a step further, try to observe the overall disposition of the other person. It is likely that they are acting the way they are because they are in pain too. Perhaps, they are anxious or worried about the future, or simply feeling insecure. Nevertheless, they might be lashing out in response to something you did that hurt them.
You are also experiencing similar feelings. So, you can understand them. Therefore, we can say that you are both connected by identical feelings. Make sure you’ve already found ways to keep yourself happy so you can be assured that you’re not the one who needs emotional healing.
There is a chance that you responded in simply reacting in anger to their frustration. Hence, you start to suffer like the other person. Rather than focus on the anger, try to use the shared anger as an opportunity to open up to the other person. In doing so, you create a channel for understanding and a unique opportunity to solve the problem.
Find The Right Response
Finally, the last step is to find a loving, appropriate, and compassionate response. Having empathized with the other person, it is time to take action. The decision of what qualifies as the right action is a difficult one. You have to ensure that your response isn’t from a place of anger or frustration.
So, what is the appropriate, loving, and compassionate response? Well, that varies with the type of situation you find yourself in. Some examples include:
- In the case where the other person is going through a hard time and feeling frustrated and upset. You can just be there for them by empathizing, showing compassion, and listening to them. Also, you can help think of a solution together.
- Another scenario is when someone upsets you with their actions either consciously or unconsciously. You approach them when you are calm and let them know how their actions affected you. Then let them know what not to do to avoid the same issue in the future.
- Perhaps, it is a case where the other person insists on being right and not willing to engage in any compassionate discussion. It might be time to engage a mediator like a counselor (or neutral friend) to help reach a middle ground.
- In an abusive relationship. While you might empathize with their pain and how they came to be abusive. The best course of action is to leave the relationship or situation. Your safety is far more important than any resolution. You can try to get them professional help but remain firm on boundaries.
There are many more scenarios beyond the ones listed above. They are just examples of how you can respond to certain events from a place of calmness, love, and compassion. Being self-confident would also aid in your dilemma as well.
In conclusion, the ability to stay when it is easier or instinctive to lash out requires a lot of practice. Therefore, we encourage you to make a conscious effort toward practicing the techniques in this post. Like everything in life, practice makes perfect.
If you found this article helpful then be sure to check out what we wrote on how to retrain your brain and turn negative thoughts to positive ones.
You can also read about how to keep your emotions under control here if you would like to know more about this topic.
