How To Stay Out Of The Friend Zone

The friend zone could easily be synonymous with hell for a lot of guys. Don’t worry, we’ve all been there at one time or another. The good news is you don’t have to stay there and there are a lot of ways to make sure you don’t end up there in the first place. 

First though, let’s chat about why most guys end up there in the first place. Basically the friend zone is where girls categorize your relationship or interaction when there’s lack of sexual interest. A lot of times this comes from you being labeled as “the nice guy” after your approach or because you simply spent way too much time with small talk within most of your conversations.

Below are some key things you need to keep in mind when interacting with that attractive girl you’re interested in.

Use The Five Second Rule With Your Initial Approach

When you see a woman you’re interested in — don’t over think things with complicated approaches — just do it. Preferably within the first five seconds or less after you’ve decided she’s worth it. If you’re worried about what to say, then make sure you have one or two basic openers already memorized. Better yet, try to use something that doesn’t feel like a pick up line and is based on your current surroundings if you’re able.

The more you think and over think your initial approach, the more you will risk talking yourself out of making a move at all. When you force yourself to approach a woman you’re interested in within the first five seconds, it will break you out of procrastination.

Don’t get too caught up in the “what if I get rejected” thoughts, because after you’ve experienced it a few times you will realize it’s not as big of a deal as you thought. This is also what makes you develop tougher skin if you’re determined enough and ultimately this leads to confidence, which is the number one value women look for in a partner. 

With anything in life, if you want to get good at it, you have to be bad at it first, otherwise you wouldn’t have to get good at it to begin with.

Learn To Build Sexual Tension

Control the direction of the conversation. You definitely want to keep things humorous, because females love to laugh — but, be careful not to go overboard and get mistaken for the class clown who’s just there to tell jokes. There’s a balance between being a funny and charming man or just being the court jester always looking for the punchline in a conversation. It gets old and is a great way for people not to take you seriously even when you’re trying to be serious.

Pay attention to her body language and look for conversational openings that could turn the conversation to a sexual topic. Don’t force things, but if she throws something random out there that makes you raise an eyebrow — then she could very well be testing you. If you misread her, then you could always turn it into a joke at your own expense with a comment like “Oh, sorry, that was my failed attempt at flirting with you. Forgive me. Okay, feel free to change the subject now.”

If the conversation is getting dull or sort of dragging on, then you should try to sexualize things through a playful approach to test the waters. For example, while she’s looking at you, say something like “Whoa, don’t give me that look…” and of course she’s going to ask “what look?”. You can then say something like “You know, the way you’re seducing me with your eyes.” Hopefully she laughs or smiles and this should be obvious to both of you that you’re screening her to see if the two of you would be a romantic fit.

Stay Away From These 3 First Dates

When you manage to get that first date set up, be careful of what you suggest. You want to set the tone and stage just right for you two to create the perfect vibe. There shouldn’t be a bunch of distractions and things that take away from your conversation and interaction. Here’s three places you should avoid for a first date.

The Movies

This is an amateur move at best. Something you’d expect from a high school student just starting out with dating. You’re in a place where you sit beside each other but your attention is on something else for two hours. There’s no way to build sexual tension without being a creep and you can’t get to know her better within a super loud IMAX theater.

Dinner

It may seem like a good idea at first, but it’s typical and has the potential of being boring if she’s not a big talker. You two sit in front of each other, sort of like a job interview and ask questions back and forth while trying not to drop or spill food on yourself. Save this one for when you’ve gotten to know her better and you have more to talk about.

A Nightclub

It’s going to be loud and the environment takes the focus off your private interaction. You’ll have to go buy drinks and possibly leave her alone to get picked up while you’re away. There’s too many things to list here that could not be in your favor with this as a first date.

Never Get Attached Too Quickly

Fantasizing about what it would be like for her to be your girlfriend, wife, exotic lover, dominatrix or whatever you’re into is definitely putting the cart before the horse. Stop focusing on third base before you’ve even gone up to bat. A lot of nice guys tend to have this nasty habit.

You can’t “wish” yourself into a relationship or sexual encounter with the girl of your dreams. The problem with getting too caught up with hoping, dreaming and wishing all types of things before you’ve even established a rapport is that now you have this perfect scenario built up in your head and the second she doesn’t follow your script — you’re instantly heart broken and take it more seriously than it has to be.

Most women don’t like needy men and by concocting some elaborate scenario of you and some girl you don’t even know being in a relationship opens you up to showing those types of traits. Learn to keep an open mind at all times. Don’t have any expectations from her, because at the end of the day neither of you owe each other anything. If she’s not interested after the first date or interaction — cool, move on, she’s not the only attractive girl on the planet. If she is interested after the first date — great, start planning for the second one. You just have to be that flexible with your mindset if you want to avoid having your feelings hurt.